[Standing with my dad at a funeral. My mom went off to find a bathroom. A man who is giving flower seeds to all the guests approaches us.]
Man: [handing one to my dad] Here are flower seeds for you, sir.
Dad: Thank you.
Man: [handing one to me] And one for your wife.
[6 y/o client telling me about how her sister went to the dentist]
Me: Did you go to the dentist, too?
Client: No, because look — [shows me her teeth]
Me: Oh, very nice teeth! How are mine? [I show her my teeth]
Client: [slowly] Really, really, really, really, pretty.
Kid: I’m four!
Another Kid: I’m four, too!
And Another Kid: I’m four, too!
Me: (joking) And I’m four, too!
Kid: Nooo, you’re seventy-seven!
5 y/o boy: (looking downtrodden) Today I’m sad again.
Me: (genuinely concerned) I’m sorry, what happened?
Boy: You know watermelon juice? I wanted it at school. But they ran out.
[Babysitting some Asian kids. They see a birthday party for a black family. The following conversation with the 6-year-old ensues.]
Boy: There’s a lot of brown people over there.
Me: Oh, you don’t say things like that.
Boy: But there are, right? Like that’s the color of their face and their legs and their body.
Me: Um, yes that’s true…but that’s not the most important thing about them.
Boy: We’re not brown.
Me: No, we’re not…
Boy: We’re more like…peach.
1st grader: A date is ugly, right?
Me: Like the fruit?
1st grader: Like going out, it gets ugly.