“And one for you” would have sufficed

[Standing with my dad at a funeral. My mom went off to find a bathroom. A man who is giving flower seeds to all the guests approaches us.] 

Man: [handing one to my dad] Here are flower seeds for you, sir.

Dad: Thank you.

Man: [handing one to me] And one for your wife.

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My teeth are in fact my most complimented feature

[6 y/o client telling me about how her sister went to the dentist]

Me: Did you go to the dentist, too?

Client: No, because look — [shows me her teeth]

Me: Oh, very nice teeth! How are mine? [I show her my teeth]

Client: [slowly] Really, really, really, really, pretty.



Yes…but no.

[Babysitting some Asian kids. They see a birthday party for a black family. The following conversation with the 6-year-old ensues.]

Boy: There’s a lot of brown people over there.



Me: Oh, you don’t say things like that.

Boy: But there are, right? Like that’s the color of their face and their legs and their body.

Me: Um, yes that’s true…but that’s not the most important thing about them.

Boy: We’re not brown.

Me: No, we’re not…

Boy: We’re more like…peach.

Me: ..okay.